First, is it possible for someone to be incapable of physical intimacy when there is love involved? I’m no expert, but it strikes me as troubling that Rick can’t make love with me-going so far as to blame it on hormonal shifts-when it’s not biological at all he just prefers to jerk off with strangers. My questions are both general and specific to me. After talking with a friend, she confided in me that Rick’s ex had discovered dozens of sexting convos on Rick’s phone with strangers when they were together. He was apparently going into our spare bedroom or bathroom to make and send these videos-sometimes when I was home, sometimes when I was waiting in bed for him. He admitted to exchanging sexy pics and videos with more than 20 women on the internet over the last few years. After some mild questioning, his story unraveled. We are not in an open relationship, even though I’d offered that as a possible solution to our sex woes. Outside of sex, our relationship is supportive, positive, and fun.įast forward: I recently learned that Rick has a profile on an online dating app. I also made the pact with myself that I could live with only having sex 4-5 times a year because Rick brought so much “good” to the table. I loved him and was legitimately concerned. I encouraged him to get bloodwork done, thinking maybe it was a decline in testosterone or something.
I have gently initiated conversations about how to spice it up-sexy dates, sex toys, new positions, even non-monogamy-but Rick never took me up on any of my suggestions. Our sex went from passionate, fun, and frequent early in the relationship to nearly nonexistent now. Let’s call him “Rick.” We’ve been together for five years and engaged for two. I am a 37-year-old heterosexual woman in a monogamous relationship with a het cis male.